From Turtle to Turbo
I used to go to a local bar (shocking, I know) where my friend, Jess, was a bartender. When her shift was over, usually around nine o’clock, I’d get in my car and she would get in hers. I would drive Route 22 East to get home, and she would drive the same way until the U-turn sent her west.
One night my cell phone rang less than a minute into the ride.
It was Jess.
“Is that you in front of me?”
I told her yes.
“My god, you drive like a turtle!”
Truer words were never spoken.
Then Jess’ headlights disappeared in the U-turn lane.
I admit it, I’m a cautious driver. Usually in the right lane, sometimes slightly over the speed limit (but not by much). I’ve driven with friends who implored me to pass that car, not let that car in my lane, or floor it before that light turned red.
One time, my friend Tammy lunged across the front seat and hit my horn at a woman whom I was letting into the lane ahead of me.
Until recently, I would have defended myself by proudly announcing that I am a safe driver.
But then, something changed.
Maybe it wasn’t me.
Maybe, just maybe, it was the car.
Let me tell you about my car.
It’s a ’07 Toyota Corolla that hit 299,000 miles almost three years ago. My standard comment when asked why I don’t buy a new car is that this car does not want to die, and I don’t want to kill it.
Then my son Alexander wanted to buy a new car (he had a 2013 Nissan Infiniti), so I asked him how much he would get for his on a trade-in.
“Not a lot,” he said, then added, “I’ll just give it to you.”
And that’s how I came into possession of a black 2013 Nissan Infiniti with a 3.7-liter V6 engine with just under 220,000 miles.
Now I had to figure out what to do with it.
It wasn’t just the engine (we’ll get back to that in a minute), it was all the bells and whistles that came along with that engine.
My old car had bells and whistles, also.
Like the bell that dinged when the check engine light came on, or the whistle of the wind that invaded through misaligned windows.
But the Infiniti?
It was the goddamn Music Man!
Everywhere I looked, there was a button or screen.
Throw it in reverse, the dashboard screen changed to a backup camera, so I didn’t have to crane my neck to see what I was about to hit.
There was more information on the dashboard than on my work desk.
How many miles could I go before I needed gas?
Check.
How many miles per gallon was I burning?
Check.
Tire pressure good? Oil change needed?
Check and check.
Turn your head and cough.
Check.
Although, after a few days, I realized something was wrong. My miles per gallon was horrible, well below what was standard for the Infiniti.
One day, I realized what I was doing wrong.
I was driving this powerful car like it was my ’07 Toyota Corolla.
When did I realize that?
One morning, I was coming up on a yellow light, one I would normally slow down and stop at before it turned red. I looked in my rearview mirror and a pickup truck was right on my tail. If I stopped, that truck would have hit me.
Instead, I hit the gas.
The instant acceleration threw my body back against the seat, and within seconds that pickup truck was a distant memory in my rearview mirror.
I told my friend Bill about my sudden discovery of the capabilities of the engine.
He sort of laughed and said, “That car has power, you have to let it run.”
So I did.
I took the car over to Route 78 and let it run...
...and run it did.
Route 78 is a straightaway for miles. Once I entered the highway, I was going eighty in no time. The screen on my dashboard showed potential miles per gallon changes in real time.
The faster I drove, the higher that number grew.
I didn’t think that’s how MPGs worked (but I guess it does).
Down Route 78 I went, the power of the engine pulled me along with ease. With no effort, I was going well over eighty miles an hour.
Then I realized something else.
Even at that speed, cars passed by me as I drove in the right lane.
So, maybe I didn’t go from a turtle to a turbo but instead I was…
...a turtle with a turbo.
