When God Is (Literally) On Your Side
When my kids were young, they all went to Catholic School—Amanda through eighth grade, Alexander through fifth, and Danny through fourth.
Do you know what happens when your kids go to Catholic School?
You have to pay tuition.
Do you know what happens when you don’t pay tuition?
God tells you to get a divorce.
Happens all the time.
Since we were separated at the time, my soon-to-be-ex would tell me what we owed each month, and I would give her my half. I never questioned the amount, just handed over the money. Which also means I never actually saw the bills that she received. I never needed to audit the amount; I trusted her (at least when it came to money).
It turned out the Catholic School only sent a tuition bill for two kids in school (and we had three). In reality, it shouldn’t be a problem: simply identify the mistake and make the proper restitution.
Right?
Right?
Unfortunately, my ex-wife identified the mistake but never took steps to correct it.
That led to the phone call where my ex-wife told me the school will not allow Danny back in because we did not pay his tuition.
We?
Apparently, Arlene (future ex-wife) and the priest had been haggling for weeks regarding this matter. She tried very hard to explain that she paid the bill they sent her, and he told her it was a mistake, but we still owed the school the money.
Eventually, they hit a wall, with Danny being the collateral damage.
Then it fell to me; I made an appointment with the priest and soon found myself in his office.
In a very short time, we came to a solution. The priest would pay the difference to the school, and then we would pay him back over an agreed period of time.
Now I was a bit confused as to how easily the problem was resolved.
The priest sighed and told me that my wife was a challenge and somewhat hard-headed when it came to fixing the tuition problem.
Then he added, “I have several answering machine messages if you care to hear them.”
I laughed and said, “No thank you, Father, I already have her voice in my head.”
Then the priest said something I never expected to hear in a church office.
This man, whose calling is to champion the sacrament of matrimony…
This man, who counsels couples before matrimony to be sure they understand the sacrament and its responsibility…
This man, who performs a couple’s wedding in a church…
...this man (this priest) said to me, “You have to get away from that woman.”
In that moment I was a little shocked and surprised, but I also had this vision: in court, my wife with her lawyer on her side, with me with this priest on my side.
Note: We never went to court over our divorce, but it was nice to know I would have had a priest warmed up in my bullpen.
My daughter Amanda was the only one to graduate Catholic school before high school. My two boys graduated public school and high school in the town their mom moved to after the divorce was final.
And my ex-wife and I never had an issue with money ever again.
Oh, wait, thou shalt not lie, right?
So, what time is confession on Saturday?
