The Most Eventful Weekend of My Life
As we get older, and reflect on our past, each of us have events we’d consider to be milestones. Spread out over the course of a lifetime, as each event occurred, we would then have time to enjoy and reflect on each individual experience before looking forward to the next one.
For me, when I look back on that list now, I realize I had one truly eventful weekend back in the eighties.
My fiancé and one day ex-wife, Arlene, lived together in a big, turn of the last-last century, two-family house. Arlene owned the house with her sister, Patty. Now that Arlene and I were getting married, we decided that I would buy out her sister and the two of us would own it together. When I say, ‘we decided’, you know I mean Arlene and Patty. Back then, I was gullible, and just happy to be getting married (I did mention gullible, right?).
Late October, the day before our wedding, we found ourselves in our lawyer’s office. With little thought, I signed my name do dozens of contract forms, no clue what I was signing. I could have been signing my soul to the devil, and I’d be doing it with a smile on my face. Afterwards, we handed Arlene’s sister a check for ownership of her half of the house. It was the peak of the market, and she walked away from this investment with a healthy profit.
It was a great house, a lot of character. Fireplaces in both the kitchen and the bedroom (neither worked, but they looked cool), wooden floors, bay windows with window seat. Also, was a great party house, big rooms, large deck off the kitchen – perfect for those before-anyone-had-kids parties.
Years later, while separated, we sold the house and lost about forty-thousand dollars on that. The market then? Not so hot.
Milestone Achieved: Bought a house
Arlene and I were married on October twenty-second, nineteen-eighty-eight. The night before my wedding, I thought, ‘how bad can it be?’ (At least I didn’t include that thought in my vows). We had a great wedding, a lot of dancing. The wedding party danced a spontaneously-choreographed rendition of Meatloaf’s ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’, pre-YOUTUBE (thank God). There was also a lot of drinking which is why, with encouragement from my brother, I did indeed push the wedding cake into Arlene’s face. Not an illustrious beginning.
We planned to leave for our honeymoon the following Monday. Our thought process was we didn’t want to get up early to catch our flight hung-over. Great idea, except for the fact that Sunday, the celebration continued. Friends and family showed up with cases of beer, and food. We drank, and ate, watched football, then got up early the next morning to catch our flight hung-over.
Antigua was where we spent our Honeymoon. Originally, we planned to go to Jamaica, however, a month or so before the wedding a hurricane destroyed the hotel we were to stay at. Once again, a warning issued by the universe that I foolishly ignored.
The selling point of the hotel in Antigua? It was all inclusive. The downside was the hotel was still under construction, it took forever for room service to deliver anything. But did I mention it was all inclusive? While we sat on the beach, a waitress would come by to take our order. I would order two ‘blue drinks’. Then, while we waited for that order to be filled, I’d walk to the bar, order two ‘red drinks’ that we’d finish just in time for the original order to be filled. Repeat until sufficiently inebriated.
The hotel was filled with mostly honeymooners, so throughout the course of our stay the sound of squeaky beds serenaded us. Like living with amorous and energetic mice.
Milestone Achieved: Got Married.
The first night of our honeymoon, we went down for dinner. There was a ridiculous amount of food, all inclusive. It was when I walked to the buffet table was when I saw it. A chalk board with the date written on it. It was October twenty-fourth. My birthday. More important, my thirtieth birthday. It was totally lost within the planning of the wedding.
I turned thirty without even trying.
Milestone Achieved: Turned Thirty
Okay, turning thirty isn’t really a milestone, it just not dying beforehand. However, still a lot going on for one weekend.
More milestones followed over the years, but none so clumped together over the course of a weekend.
Unless you count the time I lost my job and my divorce was finalized in the same week.
Turned sixty today, still not dead, so I have that going for me.