They can take your status, but they can never take your dignity
All in Drinking
I’m Still Alive, Why Do You Ask?
My mortality is always in question
How an Earache Sent Me to The Hospital
When everyone you know tells you go to the doctor – go to the doctor
Tom Waits for No Man
He sat at the piano, the perpetual cigarettes in the ashtray just above the piano keys — each devoured in two long draws
This Food is So Good It Lives in a Castle
Just be sure the castle has a throne
Down the Shore Everything’s Alright
Me and Myself on a Sunday Night
We All Want That Meet-Cute Story to Tell
You Never Know When Someone Will Change Your Life
The Reason I was Speechless at Work
And it had nothing to do with starting a new job
The Key To Surviving Old Age
Health Care takes a back seat to finding a really good parking spot
The One Trip I Didn't Plan To Take
There were always drugs around, however, most of my friends and I were big drinkers. Beers, Tequila, Jack Daniels – we basically drank like grumpy old men. In high school, I wasn’t much of a drinker (I have since made up for that).
Call Waiting For Godot
At one point, after being asked for the umpteenth time if I was ‘OK’ I thought that at least if it looked like I was waiting for someone, I wouldn’t appear so suicidal. That’s when it hit me.
Just Wrap Yourself In Plastic And Go
It was a long way down from the top of that hill and you had to navigate through an army of spruce trees that tried their best to keep you from completing your run. I had seen many friends fly face first into the open arms of a waiting spruce only to appear on the other side with exposed skin scrapped raw and smelling like Christmas.
99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall (well, 98, actually)
In the 70s and 80s we owned the Jersey Shore; it was our playground, our education. Manasquan was Middle School, Seaside was High School, and Belmar was College.Today, watching MTV’s Jersey Shore is like watching a girl you were in love with in High School and seeing that she married an asshole.
The World's Best Hole-In-The-Wall
The bartenders were all characters, but my favorite was a tall, lanky man named Robert John. I don’t know if John was his middle or last name, we just called him Robert John. He was over six feet tall with crew-cut black hair and Coke-bottle-thick glasses that made his eyes appear surprised whenever he looked at you.