The Parting of the Red Pee
Before I start this post I want to apologize in advance. There are two things I rarely write about. One is bodily functions. The other is health issues. My own health issues I can discuss.
Other people’s health issues?
Not so much.
In fact my friend Joe (nicknamed ‘The Doctor’ because he looks like a TV doctor) has altered his health issue stories when he talks to me about them.
Going forward, just so you know, I’m fine. What happened was more disturbing to me than to anyone else.
OK, let’s get started.
In February 2003 I woke up and could not see out of my right eye. My right eye was a window painted red.
Turns out, a blood clot had traveled up my leg to my eye. Fortunately for me the clot took a right and not a left. A left would have sent it to my brain and I would not be here today.
Again, I am fine.
I ended up in the hospital for nine days.
Why?
Because they had to find out why I had a blood clot.
I was in the hospital through Valentine’s Day. Best Valentine’s Day ever. Since I didn’t have a roommate I had two dinners that night.
After dozens of examinations and tests, I was sent home with a slew of medications for high blood pressure and cholesterol.
At home, it was something new to me. I needed to take certain medications in the morning, and the rest at night.
A day or two later, when I went to the bathroom, I had quite the shock. I was surprised my knees didn’t buckle. Or that I didn’t just flat out faint.
My urine was not the welcome yellow I expected.
It was red.
Blood?
I forced myself to finish my task, but averted my eyes to the crime scene below.
A blood clot, now blood in my urine, what the hell was wrong with me?
I spent nine days in the hospital, and came home worse for wear. My stomach was in knots thinking my insides were just a jungle gym of ailments. One worse than the next.
I didn’t know what to do.
Should I go back to the hospital?
Just wait and hope it goes away?
(That was my normal modus operandi)
With great reluctance I called my doctor’s office. Even though I did not want to know what was wrong with me, I had to find out.
Once connected to the doctor I told him what had just happened.
His reply was not what I expected.
“Oh, that,” he said, “that’s normal. It’s your body’s reaction to the new medication. It’s not blood, just the discoloration of your urine.”
It took me a second to absorb what he had just said.
“Um,” I said, “it would have been nice if someone told me the side effects before I almost passed out in the bathroom.”
“Yes,” the doctor replied, “sorry about that.”
Sorry about that?
Next time I pee red I’ll just assume it was something I ate.
Author’s Note: As I wondered if I should write this post (and the title), I was listening to a podcast. The podcaster talked about a French movie director who was once in a band.
The name of the band?
Oui-Oui.
Thanks again, universe, for your help...
